Friday, March 18, 2011

Thoughts on men who fall in love with pillows

Just like everybody else in the world, I’ve been reading the press coming out of Japan almost religiously.  Reading one of those articles led me to another article which led me to another article that I can not find now for the life of me.  But it got me thinking, and the thoughts started swirling around in my head, and now I have to write a post to save myself the cost of the therapy I would need if I were to keep getting worked up about this. 

The article was basically about the trend of Japanese men falling in love with “2D” characters, mainly in the form of pillows or dolls that look like preteen anime girls.  The fact that they are PRETEENS just makes me SO… 

If you aren’t familiar with International Justice Mission, “a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppressions”, check them out at http://www.ijm.org/.  Consider how you can support their work, whether financially or by some other means.

But we’ll set aside the fact that theses pillows picture anime PRETEENS (!!) for the purpose of this post…

One colleague who used to work in Japan noted that the country has a 1950s concept of women.  This article basically noted the same thing – that women are expected to quit their jobs when they get married and have children.  So women are looking at their options and deciding that they would rather stay in the workforce.  And apparently there are a lot of men that are “falling in love with” pillows or dolls.  I read another article (in my search to find the original article again) that said some men set up separate apartments in the city for their dolls, as if they were mistresses.  (From my own limited experience in Asia, I had noticed that pornography was much more obvious and available there than anything you would see in the U.S., but I saw nothing to this extreme.  Praise God.)  Statistics are showing that the natural population change rate (live births minus deaths) has been increasingly negative since 2005.  Marriage rates in Japan are dropping and not-insignificant percentages of men have no interest in sex with an actual person.  Basically, large numbers of men would rather be in a relationship with a fantasy.

I’m not an expert on these sorts of issues at all.  But this article got me thinking about a lot of things.  I never used to consider myself a feminist, but I clearly hold to certain Western ideals of both equality and chivalry.  I think it’s wonderful when men open doors, offer to carry something heavy or give me their seat on a crowded bus.  I think that’s something to be encouraged.  But I also expect my intelligence to be respected and that I not be metaphorically patted on the head.  I understand that these are particularly Western ideals.  But I also think they are particularly Christian ideals.  Didn’t Jesus shock his contemporaries by talking directly to women and by their involvement in supporting his ministry?  We never hear of Aquila without his wife Priscilla, and Lydia was a significant figure in the church in Philippi.

So I look at this situation in Japan and, while I know that it is much more complex than this, I wonder what came first – the chicken or the egg?  Did men’s obsession with pornography and fantasy relationships with pillows lead women to say “better off staying in the workplace!”  Or was women saying they want to continue to work a trigger for men to choose “2D” relationships?  If it’s the latter, then why is it that when women said they wanted to keep working in the West, the majority of men learned to accept and even welcome the concept of a spouse who also worked outside the home (granted, over the course of decades)?  But in Japan, what you apparently see is not more married women working, but more men turning to pillows and dolls?

I don’t know the answers to these questions.  But I hear tales of a lot of men who are more interested in fantasy than reality, and a population that is literally dying off because of it.  And I pray that the lost will be found before it’s too late.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Thoughts about stuff

If you haven’t watched this video of the tsunami hitting Japan last Friday (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uJN3Z1ryck), you should watch it.  It’s stunning.  In 5 minutes, it goes from some street flooding to buildings being ripped off their foundations and carried off. 

My first two thoughts in rapid succession were “WOW that’s fast” and “WHOA that’s powerful”.  The third thought that quickly followed those two: I can’t imagine watching my home be picked up and carried off, knowing that I will never see any of my stuff ever again.  There’s my life, floating away.  It’s heartbreaking.

I don’t consider myself to be overly materialistic.  I don’t feel like my identity is wrapped up in how much stuff I own or how expensive it is.  When something breaks, I generally sigh, mourn it’s demise for a second or two, and toss it in the trash.  But in nearly 37 years, I have lived in 20 different homes.  (Granted, 2 of those were 3-month temporary housing.)  I’ve only lived in one house for 5 years, and I left there nearly 27 years ago.  So while I love my condo and it’s location, for me, it is the stuff in the condo that makes it “home”.  (That and my cat.  But we’ll exempt her from this discussion.)  I know it’s just stuff, but it’s stuff that I have put together over the course of 36+ years in order to create an ambience that is my own.  Some things are replaceable.  Some things are not – things with lots of memories attached to them, family heirlooms, things I collected from my travels around the world, pictures I took, cross-stitches I labored over…

To see all of my stuff destroyed by earthquake or washed away by a tsunami would be heartbreaking. 

I would cry. 

I would get angry. 

But I also know that, eventually, I would start speaking truth to myself. 

I would remind myself that my identity lies not in these things but in my relationship to God.  I would remind myself that He is faithful and will stand by me.  I would remind myself to be thankful to have survived, that life is infinitely more valuable than stuff. 

And then I would start to rebuild.


"One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.  For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.  ...I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.  Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."  (Psalm 27:4-5, 13-14)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Random thought on "modesty"

If you are looking for me to tell you what constitutes “modest”, I’m afraid you are out of luck.  One definition I saw said, “conforming to the recognized standard of good taste.”  The problem with “recognized standards” is that it means different things in different places.  Modesty in Wisconsin is very different from modesty in Brazil, which is very different from modesty in Saudi Arabia.  Some people worry about defining the limits way too much.  (I can’t tell you what a huge weight was lifted from my soul when I was living in Brazil and realized that NOTHING I would wear willingly would be considered “immodest” there.)  There are other people who I think could stand to think about it a little more.  But I’m not talking about that.

I’m also not talking about modesty from the perspective of “caring for our Christian brothers”.  I understand the argument, but I also know that we all have temptations.  Part of growing up and maturing is learning to recognize those moments of temptation and, if necessary, averting your eyes.

And don’t get me started on those churches that publicly announce that you need to be modest to come to their church.  Where in the Bible does it say that you must have your act together before you can seek God?  If churches are filled with sinners saved by grace, can’t we show a little grace to other sinners? 

But I’m not talking about that either.

What I am talking about is motivation, a topic that came to mind as I was reading a book on insecurity.  (It was pretty good.  Don’t ask me for more than that, because I had to set it down for several months in the middle while I dealt with other stuff.)  While reading, I got to thinking about how it could change our attitude towards immodesty – particularly of the eye-popping, might-as-well-be-naked variety – if we considered the motivations for wearing such an outfit.

I thought of a couple possible motivations.  (And please remember that I’m thinking of the eye-popping type of immodesty, not the little lines that people so often quibble over, such as straps on dresses.) 

1) Pride: They are incredibly proud of their body (whether by nature, nurture or plastic) and they want everybody to know it. 

2) Cluelessness: They don’t realize that this and/or that is showing.  (Most of us have been there at one point or another.)

3) Misfortune: They only own one sweater, it shrunk in the wash, and they don’t have the money to buy a new one.  (It happens.) 

4) Insecurity: Many possible underlying reasons here, one of which could be that they think their value lies in whether or not they are sexually alluring.  I suppose somebody could counter that they wear it because it makes them look good.  But usually I find that “good” in these instances is more accurately defined as “hot”.  Which then raises the question of why they feel a need for everybody to think they’re “hot”.

So my thought was that, in this controversial realm of “modesty”, maybe we would be more godly in our attitudes and actions if we sought to address the underlying motivations rather than the symptom.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Praying for Japan

First of all, let me say that I join the millions of people around the world right now who are praying for our friends in Japan during this horrible time.  Many have already posted Psalm 46:1-4, but it is very appropriate:

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 
though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.  There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.”

For the 2% of the Japanese population that are Christian, I pray that they will be sustained through this fiery trial so that in the end they may be like the believers that Peter was writing to:

“…though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”  (1 Peter 1:6b-9)

Secondly – and as crazy as this may sound – let me say Congratulations on getting through the initial event so well! 

Before people decry my lack of sensitivity, let me explain.  Japan just suffered through the worst earthquake in its history.  The fifth largest in recorded history for the world.  It is officially a “Catastrophic” (with a capital “C”) 8.9, with 79 aftershocks and counting, many of those registering between 6.0 and 7.1.  And yet so many buildings are still standing.  Much of the damage I see in pictures and in the press is caused by the tsunami and the things falling inside the buildings.  The death toll is currently in the hundreds (but expected to surpass 1,000), which is truly devastating, but compare that to Haiti.  Haiti suffered a “Destructive” 7.0 earthquake that literally flattened them and resulted in more than 330,000 deaths.  Haiti is still recovering.  But Japan had the technology and building codes to largely withstand an 8.9.  That didn't help with the tsunami, but nothing stands in the way of a 33-foot tall wave of water.  Japan also had the stability of government that allowed assistance to begin flowing within hours of the event.  That can’t be taken for granted.  (Update: Okay, there is this whole "potential nuclear disaster" thing that is quite disturbing.  Praying that it will get resolved before it's too late.  But I stand by my overall argument.)    

P.S. In case you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a video clip of some news coverage.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OooqbScBC20)  And in case you missed it, that’s a BUILDING floating down the “river”.  I’ve seen a number of big floods in my life, so I don’t get too surprised by seeing cars floating by (although I admit that's a lot of cars).  But that was a BUILDING.  Floating by.  Seriously.   

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The small topic of love

Next month, I’m supposed to talk to the community group I’m in about love.  We all chose a characteristic that we were striving to have a better grasp of, and I chose the oh so narrow topic of love.  No sweat.  What makes this slightly better is that I have a very particular angle that I’m looking at.

This all started a year ago, when I was looking at the fact that I was still single and started asking myself what exactly I was looking for from my dream of marriage.  When I began to answer that, I had to admit that no man was capable of fulfilling that perfectly, all the time, and it would be unfair for me to put that burden on any person.  Only God can love me perfectly.  So maybe I should be focusing more on falling in love with God and truly comprehending His love for me. 

Of course, the added benefit is that I would be better able to demonstrate God’s love to others, because it would come from the overflow of my heart and not from my puny attempts to love people out of my own power.  But that’s for another post.

I have spent this year in the CS Lewis Institute’s Fellowship program.  (Highly recommended!  Application period is now.  Just saying.)  From early on in the program, I was reading authors who I respected refer to meditating on God’s Word and how they came to have a deeper understanding of their relationship with God.  That’s what I wanted!  Every month in this fellowship we’ve focused on a different topic.  But every month, what has stood out to me is how those things relate to God’s personal love for us and how we relate to him.  How many times have I read or recited John 3:16 without noticing that I was looking at “God so loves the World” as somewhat detached, rather than a very personal love, where God loves ME, individually, as a person.  (Oh yeah, and you to.  But this is about me, so humor me a bit.)

Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about how I really need to start meditating on some key scripture if I’m going to truly move this idea from my head down to my heart.  But in more than 3 decades of going to church and participating in Bible studies, I don't think I've ever heard a discussion on how to meditate on the Word of God.  And guess what this month’s topic for the fellowship program is?  “Being Transformed Through the Bible.”  The action assignment?  To select a different passage of Scripture each week and meditate on it, using the Lectio Divina approach.  Woohoo!

So I’ve got three passages chosen; passages I’ve read a thousand times without truly absorbing how amazing they are.

1 Thessalonians 1:3-5a
We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.  For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, and with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction.

1 Peter 2:4-5, 9
As you come to him, the living Stone – rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him – you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.  …But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I did a vocational analysis last week, where Dr. Lindsley talked to me for more than four hours to determine what motivates me, what my gifts are, and for what ends.  My #1 motivation?  To be chosen.  Other things speak to other people, but for me, these three verses are pretty awesome.  They tell me that God has done what no man ever has.  He has chosen me, and I am precious to Him.  I think that’s pretty deep.

Monday, March 7, 2011

And so it begins...

And so begins my entry into the 21st century and the world of blogging!  I have a couple plans for how I will use this space.  One stems from my past in Brazil and my future in Tokyo.  When I lived in Brazil, I wrote monthly email updates that I sent out to a group of friends who expressed an interest in receiving them.  The updates were fun to write, useful in helping me process being an expat in Brazil, and apparently interesting to receive by those who cared to hear about my crazy life and observations.  The down side was that the email list required a certain amount of maintenance on my part to ensure that I wasn’t spamming people.  But if I wrote a blog, I could continue to write my updates without fear of spamming.  People either read it, or they don’t.  They either subscribe to get the latest update, or they unsubscribe.  Win/win!  I could add in some pictures.  Win/win/win!  So plan #1 is to update people on my life during the three years I’ll spend in Tokyo (summer 2012 to summer 2015).  In addition, it is likely that there will be some documentation of my struggles to learn Japanese over the coming year.

Plan #2 revolves around the fact that I sometimes have thoughts rolling around in my head.  Deep thoughts.  Oh so deep!  It seems like it would help me process these thoughts if I write them down and put them into a coherent format.  So I thought that I could add them to my blog in the event that maybe others will find them helpful too.  Although I imagine I will also put down any number of totally shallow thoughts just for the fun of it.

I don’t really know when this fount of creativity will begin, but at least I have the blog site set up now!