Moving on is a part of life, and I can never really go back. I can remember my time there with fondness, but it can never be repeated. I’ve changed; those people have changed; the circumstances have changed. We can get together, relive old memories and catch up on what has happened since then. But our ability to pick up as friends again depends on whether they like and accept the changes in me since our last meeting and vice versa. If I’ve turned into a brat while I’ve been away, no amount of fond memories will entice my old friends to hang out with me again.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in meditating on Psalm 119:3, stated, “With God one does not arrive at a fixed position; rather, one walks along a way. One moves ahead or one is not with God. God knows the whole way; we only know the next step and the final goal. There is no stopping; every day, every hour it goes farther. Whoever sets his foot on this way finds that his life has become a journey on the road. It leads through green pastures and through the dark valley, but the Lord will always lead on the right pathway (Ps. 23) and he will not let your foot be moved (Ps. 121:3).”
Looking at my life, I can say that it definitely feels like a journey. My hope is that I’m always moving forward in the direction that God is leading. My trust is in the understanding that God has a plan and a purpose, that He is working my life into what will one day be a glorious tapestry.
This may seem like a non sequitur, but… Loving people is risky. You make yourself vulnerable. What makes such a risk possible is the knowledge that God loves me dearly, is always by my side and will never leave me. May I carry this knowledge always in the depths of my soul. But people come and go, and at this moment in time, I know that person will be me.
I’ll be leaving in a year and a half, and I know that leaving friends and family will hurt horribly. Any friendships I now have will be put at risk of fading away into fond memories. True, there is email and skype and facebook and any number of other ways to maintain the friendship when you don’t see the person on a regular basis, but that takes effort that is not seen much in this day and age. However, if I try to protect myself from pain by locking up my heart and not developing deep friendships, I will miss out on the most precious moments of life, and I won’t be the woman God has called me to be, a woman who loves God and loves others. So I must continue to build relationships, to love. Lord willing, my dear friends and I will be close for decades to come. At the very least, I must treasure these moments of the journey and hope that I have touched lives in a positive way.
Wow! You are doing some serious reflecting today my friend! You are an amazing women of God and I love your willingness to go where He has called you to go and your willingness to pay the price to get there. I am reminded of the verse that says if we give up parents, children's, friends for His sake He will give them back to us ...... Sadly I cannot remember the exact reference off the top of my head right at this moment but something tells me that you know it;) I love you my friend and am blessed to have you in my life in different seasons and in different ways but always there! -Jenn Deere-
ReplyDeleteDaughter
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words for me today. I needed that message. Can I keep you as my kid?
Well said, Beth. This is true even if you never leave the doors of your house. We are always saying good-bye to loved ones on this pilgrimage, and we miss out if we do not cherish the time and make the most of the opportunities we now have. It is always good to remember to love now while we can.
ReplyDeleteI think you just wrote exactly how I have felt move after move after move. I've tried the shell method which isn't me, I've tried the I'm just going to put myself out there which has led to a variety of experiences...good and bad. Funny you quoted Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I am doing a 40 day study on him at 6:30 on Tuesday mornings. You need a good solid cup of coffee to take him on in the morning. :) Love all your thought provoking blogs.
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteDo you know what a quaking Aspen look like? They are trees found near water that at first look seem so ... well tree like; calm, constant, and serene. They are always found in a stand with other Aspens. You have always reminded me of an Aspen oasis. Their leaves are formed such that they dance in the wind. Constantly quiet and calming and yet a part is AWAYS dancing. They are also never alone. They, unlike any other tree, are interconnected to the Aspens around them. They are a family. They share food and water.
You may leave your job, home and friends and think you are can be replaced or backfilled. That you are just passing though. Or rather, it's your journey and you don't see the important roll you have in other's lives. For those friends who are no physically with you now, we look back and can see clearly we were led to an Aspen oasis when God led us to you. It was calming and refreshing ... and yet always dancing. We were refreshed learning to find the water you drank so deeply from and always dancing in the process. We joined your Aspen family. We can never be separated. You may travel, but you don't close the door. Neither do I.
Beautiful!
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